I don’t have adequate words to describe what it has been like to lose my husband. It is to find the fabric of my life torn in two. Not just a single moment of being rent asunder by death, it is the daily unraveling of the beautiful life we wove together over 17 years. EachContinue reading “Our Steps Are Ordered”
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Grief in the Desert
Since Rob died, the place I’ve most wanted to visit was the desert. We traveled more than 30,000 miles together road tripping in our camper, and the desert was one of our favorite places to camp. Whenever I feel overwhelmed with my new life, I long to be sitting in this spot again. I loveContinue reading “Grief in the Desert”
“I’m Headed Home”
Saturdays used to be for hiking. Even in the winter, Rob would long for the mountains. When it was too cold for the kids and me to join him, he’d head out alone. If you ask my children what their dad loved most, they’ll tell you “hiking and his family.” Hiking offered Rob precious timeContinue reading ““I’m Headed Home””
Sheltered by Love
I’ve been looking for something to help me visualize my new role parenting alone, and I fell in love with this little carved elephant family statue at Ten Thousand Villages. I thought it was one mama elephant sheltering four smaller ones until I got it home. It was an impulse buy; I’ll admit I didn’tContinue reading “Sheltered by Love”
Homeschooling Through Loss
Our family homeschooled for seven years before Rob died, and we joyfully watched our children grow into intellectually curious students and voracious readers. More than that, our family became its own little tribe, deeply committed to each other. Homeschooling became even more precious the last three years of Rob’s life when he transitioned to workingContinue reading “Homeschooling Through Loss”
May You Find a Light
“Lost and weary traveler searching for the way to go … May you find a light to guide you home.” The Brilliance Of the many times I have felt lost in my life, none has ever been so all-encompassing, deep, and dark as grief. Sometimes I miss Rob so much that I don’t think I’llContinue reading “May You Find a Light”
Being Beloved
Rob and I talked often about our mutual instinct toward performance and our mutual struggle to lay our striving down and accept grace. We both longed to know the love of God and rest in Him. For most of my life, I believed my worth was based on my performance, my intelligence and skills, myContinue reading “Being Beloved”
Side by Side
When dinner was finished and dishes were done, we’d make school lunches side by side in the kitchen. I miss Rob always, but these moments of ordinary companionship carry a unique sorrow. Now when I miss his voice, I turn on his last TV interview with 100 Huntley , and it brings him back toContinue reading “Side by Side”
Our Morning Commute
Two of my kids attend a small school housed in an old New England church building. Beside the church sprawls this cemetery. This fall, we discovered that we could cut a couple minutes off our morning commute if we drove through it. Every weekday morning, you’ll see our car cutting through the cemetery en routeContinue reading “Our Morning Commute”
Hop On and Ride
Rob loved going to the gym. Me, not so much. I’m all for exercise, mind you. But I’ve always needed to feel like I was getting somewhere. Canoe for an afternoon? Bike 20 miles on the rail trail? Sign me up! Climb on one of those Jacob’s ladder machines in a fluorescent-lit room? Who amContinue reading “Hop On and Ride”