For years, Rob sang a particular psalm to our kids at bedtime. He’d sit on the floor in their darkened bedrooms and sing to settle them as they headed off to sleep. I’d stand at the doorway as the tune washed over me at the day’s close. “What shall I give unto the Lord, forContinue reading “What Shall I Give Unto the Lord?”
Category Archives: Marriage
A Different Kind of Birth
My fourth pregnancy poked along to the very end. I often tell my youngest, “You were just so comfy inside you didn’t want to come out!” On a sunny spring day, after labor had stopped and started all day, Rob finally convinced me to call my midwife for encouragement and an update. “Just relax,” sheContinue reading “A Different Kind of Birth”
Reflections on a Summer Spent
As the summer closes, I’ve been reflecting on the ways these last three months changed because of the COVID-19 pandemic. This biggest change to our family’s summer plans was the cancellation of a cross-country road trip I’d planned with my children. They wanted to finish the trip Rob’s death cut short last summer. I wantedContinue reading “Reflections on a Summer Spent”
The Love That Remains
Today this thought struck me as I rode my bike: Rob is never coming back. A year after his death, you might say, “Duh.” And part of me would heartily agree. Even a cursory look at my everyday life makes it obvious. The dentist no longer calls with Rob’s appointment reminders. Our bank accounts bearContinue reading “The Love That Remains”
Listening For His Voice
When I leave my children home alone, we keep Rob’s phone on the kitchen island in case they need to call me while I’m out. My kids know the phone is only for emergencies, but I try to check up on them regularly when I’m gone. Leaving your kids after loss is a complex process,Continue reading “Listening For His Voice”
45 Days to Go: A Lament
It’s June 4, 2020. Just 45 days until it has been a year since you died. I can’t believe I’ve lived so long without you. And yet, that is what my life will always be now — lived without you. The thought tears me wide open. I miss you like it was yesterday. I knowContinue reading “45 Days to Go: A Lament”
The Empty House
Her absence is like the sky, spread over everything. But no, that is not quite accurate. There is one place where her absence comes locally home to me, and it is a place I can’t avoid. I mean my own body. It had such a different importance while it was the body of H.’s lover.Continue reading “The Empty House”
Meeting Rob Moll
Back in my college days, if you were a guy, you had to get past me to get to my sister. I was Rosemary Clooney straight out of White Christmas: “Lord, help the mister who comes between me and my sister!” Whenever my sister had a love interest, I made sure to research him wellContinue reading “Meeting Rob Moll”
Poetry Friday: “All You Who Sleep Tonight”
After seventeen years of marriage, sleeping alone in our bed evokes a deep, intimate loneliness. I miss Rob every time I turn off the light and slip beneath my blankets. Since he died, many nights I just can’t do it. I grab a sleeping bag and pillow and camp out for the night on theContinue reading “Poetry Friday: “All You Who Sleep Tonight””
The One Who Lost Her Husband
“Oh, you’re the one who lost her husband,” she says as I introduce myself and shake her hand. “Yes, that’s me,” I reply. I wonder now if she caught my name, or if this single event in my life will be my defining feature, the one thing she remembers each time she sees my face.Continue reading “The One Who Lost Her Husband”
