When I leave my children home alone, we keep Rob’s phone on the kitchen island in case they need to call me while I’m out. My kids know the phone is only for emergencies, but I try to check up on them regularly when I’m gone. Leaving your kids after loss is a complex process,Continue reading “Listening For His Voice”
Category Archives: Marriage
45 Days to Go: A Lament
It’s June 4, 2020. Just 45 days until it has been a year since you died. I can’t believe I’ve lived so long without you. And yet, that is what my life will always be now — lived without you. The thought tears me wide open. I miss you like it was yesterday. I knowContinue reading “45 Days to Go: A Lament”
The Empty House
Her absence is like the sky, spread over everything. But no, that is not quite accurate. There is one place where her absence comes locally home to me, and it is a place I can’t avoid. I mean my own body. It had such a different importance while it was the body of H.’s lover.Continue reading “The Empty House”
Meeting Rob Moll
Back in my college days, if you were a guy, you had to get past me to get to my sister. I was Rosemary Clooney straight out of White Christmas: “Lord, help the mister who comes between me and my sister!” Whenever my sister had a love interest, I made sure to research him wellContinue reading “Meeting Rob Moll”
Poetry Friday: “All You Who Sleep Tonight”
After seventeen years of marriage, sleeping alone in our bed evokes a deep, intimate loneliness. I miss Rob every time I turn off the light and slip beneath my blankets. Since he died, many nights I just can’t do it. I grab a sleeping bag and pillow and camp out for the night on theContinue reading “Poetry Friday: “All You Who Sleep Tonight””
The One Who Lost Her Husband
“Oh, you’re the one who lost her husband,” she says as I introduce myself and shake her hand. “Yes, that’s me,” I reply. I wonder now if she caught my name, or if this single event in my life will be my defining feature, the one thing she remembers each time she sees my face.Continue reading “The One Who Lost Her Husband”
The Nicest Gift You Could Give
The year after our first daughter was born, Rob gave me a Kitchen-Aid standing mixer for Mother’s Day. In secret, he headed down to our local Williams-Sonoma store and picked it out. We’d only been married for three years. He didn’t yet realize how much I hate to cook. In those years, we were prettyContinue reading “The Nicest Gift You Could Give”
Nothing To Say
As we drove through the national park, my husband Rob glanced away from the road toward the shores of Yellowstone Lake. A retired couple sat in two camping chairs a few feet from the water’s edge. No books rested in their laps, no fishing rods in their hands. They simply sat, enjoying the silence, surroundedContinue reading “Nothing To Say”
“A channel in my self-bound soul”
Today, on Maundy Thursday, the church remembers the last supper Jesus shared with his disciples before his death, the meal at which he washed his friends’ feet. Maundy Thursday is one of the final stops on our journey through Holy Week. There’s a feeling of inevitability that hangs over this day. Everybody knows this momentContinue reading ““A channel in my self-bound soul””
In That Day
For the last couple of weeks, I’ve been reading through the book of Isaiah in my daily devotions. More like slogging through, if I’m honest. The first twenty-four chapters have been slow going. One disaster after another. One gnarly, disobedient nation after another. Many mornings my reading has tired rather than inspired me. This firstContinue reading “In That Day”
