Falling Asleep

When our first child was born, Rob and I quickly realized the all-consuming nature of baby bedtime routines. After the evening feeding, Rob swaddled our little girl snuggly, hoisted her high onto his shoulder and slow danced her through the kitchen to the melodies of old church songs and Crosby Stills and Nash. As sheContinue reading “Falling Asleep”

The Right Way to Grieve

Six months after Rob died, a global pandemic began. What a crazy year in which to grieve. While COVID-19 has complicated our grief process in myriad ways, foremost, the pandemic forced me to reevaluate the wisdom of cross-country travel this summer for the anniversary of Rob’s death. I wrestled for months about giving up thatContinue reading “The Right Way to Grieve”

The Love That Remains

Today this thought struck me as I rode my bike: Rob is never coming back. A year after his death, you might say, “Duh.” And part of me would heartily agree. Even a cursory look at my everyday life makes it obvious. The dentist no longer calls with Rob’s appointment reminders. Our bank accounts bearContinue reading “The Love That Remains”

Eleven Months: How Far We’ve Come

Temperatures have reached the upper 80s here in New England, and we’re enjoying lazy summer evenings now that school has ended. Because of ongoing COVID limitations, we have nowhere we need to go, nothing we need to do. So after the evening meal is finished and dishes are cleared, the five of us sit aroundContinue reading “Eleven Months: How Far We’ve Come”

The Nicest Gift You Could Give

The year after our first daughter was born, Rob gave me a Kitchen-Aid standing mixer for Mother’s Day. In secret, he headed down to our local Williams-Sonoma store and picked it out. We’d only been married for three years. He didn’t yet realize how much I hate to cook.  In those years, we were prettyContinue reading “The Nicest Gift You Could Give”

Only One Tomb Empty

In a calendar of firsts, Easter without Rob surprised me as the hardest “first” to mark. Quarantined Lent was unsettlingly calm, and Easter’s pain snuck up on me and knocked me flat. I wasn’t prepared for how hard this Easter would be. This past Sunday, it wasn’t the holiday traditions I missed, though we usedContinue reading “Only One Tomb Empty”

Easter Mourn: Holy Saturday

On this Holy Saturday, we pause to grieve the crucified, dead and buried Jesus. “Mourning [is] indispensable for the journey to Easter joy.” As we wait for the grave to open, we remember those we have loved and lost who, with us, await Jesus’ return in resurrection power. Today, I’m over at Christianity Today reflecting onContinue reading “Easter Mourn: Holy Saturday”

Poetry Friday: “Good Friday”

I have nervously approached this Good Friday. I carry a different sort of grief this year as I watch Jesus go to the cross on my behalf. Death feels painfully close. Because of Jesus’ death, Rob lives in Him; this is cause for rejoicing. Yet today, I remember that this hope I possess came atContinue reading “Poetry Friday: “Good Friday””

“A channel in my self-bound soul”

Today, on Maundy Thursday, the church remembers the last supper Jesus shared with his disciples before his death, the meal at which he washed his friends’ feet. Maundy Thursday is one of the final stops on our journey through Holy Week. There’s a feeling of inevitability that hangs over this day. Everybody knows this momentContinue reading ““A channel in my self-bound soul””

Poetry Friday: “Palm Sunday”

In two days, we will remember Jesus’ entrance into Jerusalem as we begin our journey through Holy Week. I love how this poem locates that story within my heart. So often, I am willing to follow Jesus when it is easy or thrilling. Like the crowds who shouted, “Hosanna to the Son of David,” IContinue reading “Poetry Friday: “Palm Sunday””