Rob and I talked often about our mutual instinct toward performance and our mutual struggle to lay our striving down and accept grace. We both longed to know the love of God and rest in Him. For most of my life, I believed my worth was based on my performance, my intelligence and skills, myContinue reading “Being Beloved”
Author Archives: Clarissa Moll
Side by Side
When dinner was finished and dishes were done, we’d make school lunches side by side in the kitchen. I miss Rob always, but these moments of ordinary companionship carry a unique sorrow. Now when I miss his voice, I turn on his last TV interview with 100 Huntley , and it brings him back toContinue reading “Side by Side”
Our Morning Commute
Two of my kids attend a small school housed in an old New England church building. Beside the church sprawls this cemetery. This fall, we discovered that we could cut a couple minutes off our morning commute if we drove through it. Every weekday morning, you’ll see our car cutting through the cemetery en routeContinue reading “Our Morning Commute”
Hop On and Ride
Rob loved going to the gym. Me, not so much. I’m all for exercise, mind you. But I’ve always needed to feel like I was getting somewhere. Canoe for an afternoon? Bike 20 miles on the rail trail? Sign me up! Climb on one of those Jacob’s ladder machines in a fluorescent-lit room? Who amContinue reading “Hop On and Ride”
Weekends
Weekends are so long without Rob. Whether they are filled with activities or not. Sometimes it’s as though the five of us are counting down the minutes till the sun sinks away and we can head off to bed. We feel sluggish, restless, cranky. Nothing satisfies. And then I remember and ask, “Are you missingContinue reading “Weekends”
The Song Creation Sings
I don’t have to sit still for long before concerns creep into my mind. How will my kids thrive growing up without their dad? Can l be adequate for the task of raising them alone? How will I answer all of their questions? What should I do with the years that now spread out emptyContinue reading “The Song Creation Sings”
A Deep Well of Comfort
Within minutes of receiving the news of Rob’s death, my brain went into survival mode. I’ve heard it described as “numb” or “brain fog” or “overload.” All good descriptions for how I felt in those first hours, and the days and early weeks that followed. If you’ve ever come out of anesthesia after surgery, youContinue reading “A Deep Well of Comfort”
The Winter of Grief
The work of grieving is much like waiting out the winter. I can’t rush it. I can’t make it go away. Try as I might, I can’t reinvent it into something more palatable. Escape it? Grief, like winter, will be waiting at my doorstep when I return. In this season of darkness and sadness, whenContinue reading “The Winter of Grief”
Jesus Will Take Care of Me
Sitting vigil with my first feverish child since Rob died, and I’m reminded of how much reassurance and peace he used to bring me when one of the kids was sick. There are so many ways you lose a person when he dies. We always had a system. I’d manage the sick one, and he’dContinue reading “Jesus Will Take Care of Me”
Bent But Not Crushed
Along the edges of alpine meadows stand these sorts of trees. At elevations of 6000+ feet, they are weighed down with snow for many months of the year, and they grow very slowly. A tree this size might be close to 30 years old but barely shoulder high. But God designed them for resilience. DespiteContinue reading “Bent But Not Crushed”